From “Hair” to “there”!!

Have you ever noticed how the conversation flits from one topic to another and perches on so many branches during the course of its flight??



We start chatting, or in case of a new acquaintance, making small talk on random topics and just like that we flow from one topic to the next, without even realising that we are doing so!



Just a few days back, I was at a conference and a girl walked upto me and complimented me on my spaghetti hair. Now being a woman, I was of course flattered and happy with the compliment and again, of course, that girl became my bestie for the day! (Because she complimented me, how else!!)



We started chatting. The conversation started with her asking me the secret to my hair and then flitted and flew over various topics….



From favourite shampoo to hairoil (as the starting point of the conversation was all things “hair”),



From favourite actor to movie, (here there was a slight hiccup as she belonged to a different state nd our mother tongue was different),



From music to couture,
Fashion to shades of lipstick,
Cats to dogs (preference),
Health to wealth (how to lose one and gain another),
Boys to men (her age was to ogle boys and mine is to ogle men),
Siblings to friends (I am an only child and she is one half of a twin pair)….




Before we knew it, we realised that we had talked through the whole lunch hour and it was time to head back to our separate groups of colleagues.



We met while passing throughout the day, as we both were at the same venue and everytime, it was as if I knew more about her than my fellow office mates….all thanks to her finding my noodle hair beautiful!




That made me realise that conversation is just a pathway that joins two like-minded people and it can also be a catalyst for breaking the bond between two humans.




Everything that the mind thinks or the heart feels is guided by the tongue. It is just a three inch organ, but it has the strongest presence in the whole body, with the strength to make or break relationships, create unions or cause wars, wreck havoc or bring forth calm!!!



But this is the gift bestowed on only us humans,without which, we are incomplete.
It absolutely has the power to make the mind think about all the topics from “hair” to “there”!!

The bird caged within…

In Hindi language, the soul or the “prann” is also metaphorically called a bird, caged within the boundaries of the body, “pinjarey ka panchii”!

A caged bird is never happy. How can it be?? When it doesn’t have the freedom to soar the skies, to spread it’s wings and fly far and beyond the horizon.

It’s destiny is to be free, to touch the skies and not to be caged, to be prevented from soaring.

It’s interesting to note as to why the soul has been compared to a caged bird. Is it only because it is confined within the body?

Just yesterday, there was news of a top actor commiting suicide due to depression? He had everything going for him – looks, fame, money, flourishing career, beautiful girlfriend; everything, that a common man aspires for… Yet, it wasn’t enough. There was something still lacking, something so profound and impactful, that in the absence of which he decided to release his bird from it’s cage…to commit suicide.

What does the soul need?

What does it desperately search for?

Why this restlessness?

Why this anguish??

For centuries, man has felt lost in the ocean of desires. So many desires are fulfilled, yet something remains unquenched.

As if it’s not an ocean, but a desert with mounds of sand spread as far as the eye can see. Here desires seem like a mirage, promising to quench the burning thirst, but leaving the throat as parched as before.

The search for the ultimate “Sukh”, the ultimate pleasure;

One which doesn’t recede the moment it is attained, but keeps on spreading throughout the system as a beautiful network of vines,

One which once achieved, cannot be lost,

One which takes the consciousness upwards and not spiralling downwards,

This search has been the ultimate lookout for us humans.

The bird of our caged soul flutters and wriths, wanting to fly free and wide in search of the ultimate pleasure, but the desires and the duties of this world bind it in shackles and imprison it in the golden cage called “LIFE”.

And this is the universal truth – however beautiful or expensive the cage is, it is after all an imprisonment, a bondage.

And freedom is the first desire of the soul!

This freedom has been achieved by many. Paths have been different, yet the destination has been the same.

Buddha chose the path of balance; Mahavira chose penance, 

Kabir chose to be like a lotus in the mud; Ramkrishna became like a kid all over again,

Rajjab renounced the  pleasures of the world;

King Janak continued to be a king, a king who thought like a sage…

So the path towards freeing the fluttering soul is varied, but the end is to be free,

Free of all agony and joy, pleasure and misery, good and bad,

Free of all that constitutes the “Mann” (mind), to calm the raging waters of the conscious and to become calm and silent.

A silence so profound that it cannot cause any wave to form in the ocean of the consciousness.

That is the ultimate flight of the bird, the ultimate desire of the soul!

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Rumours and Ramblings!!

Some days back I was watching this really hilarious American sitcom, where one of the main characters is the member of a club; very, very interestingly called “Rumours and Ramblings”. When his friend asks him about the activities of this club, he simply shrugs and says, “Oh you know, it’s all just floating gossips, endless whining and some interesting tales and talks of the town”.

I found this amazingly refreshing and totally doable. But when I asked some of my friends to make such a club, they shirked away by saying, “But we never gossip or whine!”

Now this……

THIS I found the most confusing of all!

You see, I am a very straight-forward person, to the point of coming across as being blunt sometimes. For me a spade is a spade and a bitter truth is just that…a bitter truth! I can’t sugarcoat things for the benefit of someone’s ears (Here I won’t say feelings, because most people know the truth of what I’m talking about and their feelings usually don’t get challenged. It’s only the ears, which are so used to hearing just what they wish to hear and not what they should hear, that might feel hurt by my ponderings)

So, coming back to the original point of my confoundment!

Why can’t my friends form a weekly meeting club, where we all can sit and gossip about the latest love stories brewing about or the incompetency and attitude of maids or the hottest topic of all, which can make even the most silent of all women open their beaks and chatter away….”Mother in laws!!!”

Why can’t we whine about all the bad that is happening to us “abla naari” (poor, poor, defenseless women) while sitting around a round table (because we women and our “nights” aren’t any less than King Arthur and his “knights”; isn’t it so??)

Why can’t we have a catalogued gathering, without the ever annoying presence of husbands and kids and all the other chores and bothers that life brings along with it; and just sit back, bitching and bickering to our heart’s content!

Well, all the webs of my confusion got cleared the following day, when I was just strolling on the podium of our complex and came upon some lovely ladies standing around in a cluster and talking in hushed tones. I thought that some very important discussion was going on (maybe regarding the volatile situation of warring nations in Europe, or the economy of the world, or else whether Modi should reprise the role of the Prime Minister etc. etc.) When I happened to pass them by, they called me over and I too went intending to learn something important or give my two cents on some topic.

But…..

My over talkative and non-stop chattering self was actually standing there with my mouth practically zipped-up or agape (depending on where exactly the thread of discussion spun towards). 

You may ask why?

Well, I would tell you even if you are least bothered! So the important discussion that was going on when I joined was the exact amount of onions that should be mixed in potatoes to get that perfect “samosa”!

Then some lady got reminded of her pashmina poncho (maybe the triangular shape of the samosa, which is similar to that of a poncho, jiggled her memory) and how she bought it damn cheap from a flea market,

to which someone said that these days people can’t be trusted and that the diamond necklace which she bought for 25 lakhs was in fact an imitation (it’s a different story that we all know that that necklace was actually an imitation!)

The diamonds reminded someone of a new restaurant named “diamond” (why would someone name a food haven after a rock is beyond me) to which another lady chirped up that her husband loved “mere haathon se bani gobhi ki sabji” (the curry made with her very own hands! Is there actually another way to make it?) 

So now you get the gist. The “important” conversation flitted from food to kids to husbands to maids to food preference to, but of course, mum-in-laws!

And here I was standing with them and thinking about the reason as to why those ladies couldn’t find the time or the inclination to form a club for all such “ramblings” and some unfounded “rumours”. 

Then my feather-brain realised that some things are best done randomly and in an unplanned manner. That’s where the whole delight lays. Formatting them or planning them takes away all the pleasure; either by giving rise to guilt like these instances of pure, unadulterated gossip or by putting on too much pressure on the mind, as in the case of uber-planned trips and journeys. Just as an impromptu trip brings great joy to the heart, so too do these impromptu sessions of “rambling about rumours and random ruses” … isn’t it?

Marching off

So the Queen finally waved goodbye and marched off into the sunset. 

Her death was broadcast all over the world and millions paid homage. Even the estranged Harry and Meghan came together with the royal family to bid adieu to her.

Here I would like to say “her death was broadcasted” and would consciously choose to avoid the more apt “lamented”…

As was she really lamented?

Was her death the cause of misery of the hearts and glassiness of the eyes?

Did her death cause the same erupting volcano of sentiments and heart-wrenching sobs (that can be felt up to this day) as Princess Diana’s death did?

What then was the difference?

A death is a death…

The passing on of someone, 

The lifeless cage of a person who was breathing until a moment ago,

The Good Lord’s own flailing and swaying puppet, now lying dull and immovable on the sands!  

The scene always invokes some strong sentiment and prods a needle into those tear bags, making them run freely.

Why then, as I was really astounded to notice, was the Queen’s death a bigger fodder for trolls and memes, then it was for tears and memories?

Why was it that people seemed relieved and sadistically happy that she had passed on?

Why did her death not invoke an ounce of sadness for her departed soul? 

It is really surprising (or is it!) to notice that even after about 25 years of her demise, Princess Diana is still remembered, revered and loved; with her strikingly beautiful face and her amazing philanthropic deeds splashed across the glossy pages of magazines and the ever-changing social media channels.

The news, which becomes stale and uninteresting after half a day, still laps up Diana’s smiles and blushes after almost a quarter of a century after her departure and people are still ready to discuss, reminisce about her and mention her fondly.

What is the reason behind her ever-lasting charm and larger than life persona!

Is it because of her gorgeousness?

But then prettier women have trodden this earth and people don’t remember their faces, let alone their names!

Is it because she was the crown princess of the most famous monarchy in the world?

But according to that standard, the Queen who reigned for over 70 years should have been loved and missed more.

My feather-brain took flight again to search for answers for these questions, which were beyond reason.

And what I realised speaks a lot about life as we see it.

It isn’t how you look, how much money you have, how educated or well endowed you are or what your standing, stature or position in life is that makes you worthy of finding a spot in someone’s fond memories.

All these things go away along with your breaths.

It is how you view people, actual human beings for who they are, how cherished and happy you make them feel and the amount of effort you spare to bring smiles on their faces-whether rich or poor, adults or children, across classes, colours, castes, creeds and races.

It is basically the happiness that you are able to bring to the hearts of people that make you immortal!

And that is what exactly Diana could do and the rest couldn’t. Even when her own world was filled with unhappiness, tears, betrayal and loneliness, she could give the gift of smiles, hugs, love and affection to people who needed it the most.

That is her legacy and the reason for her forever being embedded in the hearts and minds of people across the globe.

Quoting Mandy Hale, “Be good to people. You will be remembered more for your kindness than any level of success you could possibly attain”

And herein lies the difference between “marching off into the sunset” like a queen or “gliding away beyond the horizon” like a princess! 

Farewell…

So one more year of bidding farewell to Bappa goes by!

And now the farewells will continue to ding in!!



Maa durga and then finally the year!

What is it about farewells that sound so final?

Why wishing someone goodbye feels like a slab of stone weighing down on the heart?

Why does looking at someone’s back and watching them go further and further away, till they become just a speck on the horizon so disheartening??







Is it because we do not trust the next moment?

That we do not believe that we might be able to see them again some day?



Or are we afraid of our own frailties and flippancy and feel that we might forget what the person now walking away meant to us?






Welcome and farewell- two words; or rather two emotional rollercoasters..

It takes a minute to say welcome, no words are needed….the smiles and joy say it all!

And it takes forever to say goodbye, again no words are required, the tears and embraces say it all.

One denoting smiles, open arms, warm hugs and joy,
While the other brings forth the picture of forced smiles, tight embraces, stiff postures and a deep sadness within!

But then isn’t life a series of hellos and goodbyes?

Where one door opens to show a loved one stepping over and into our threshold, while the other bangs shut behind a departed one!

Here I remember a beautiful cartoon of the bear Winnie the Pooh talking to his friend. He asks his friend piglet, “What day is it”
Piglet says, “It’s today”

To which Pooh replies, “My favourite day!”

This more or less sums up the push and pull of hellos and byes. Every new day springs forth from an ending day. Maybe that’s why “today” is called “present”…..a gift that is given to us to cherish the fond memories left by goodbyes and to look forward to making new ones with smiling hellos.


Today is what we have…whether looking forward towards tomorrow or feeling depressed for yesterday is up to us. That’s a choice we have to make each day, everyday!

My feather brain likes to be happy and spread smiles as I strongly believe that-


“Every ending has a new beginning!!!!”

Alone….or lonely! Continued…

Alone…

Lonely…

Two words, similar.. or are they??

Alone is only one,

The Sun is one,

The Moon is one,

The Earth is one,

The Sky is one.

Everything that holds importance or is capable enough is singular. Why have two Suns, Moons, Earths or Skies, when one is sufficient for it’s cause? 

They in their singularity are capable of achieving all, doing all and comprising all.

Lonely holds an altogether different meaning!

Lonely means without anyone or anything. It encompasses sadness in it’s being. Despondency, depression, unhappiness… They all seem to be synonymous with being lonely.

Loneliness is the desire for the other.

Aloneness is the fulfillment unto oneself.

We humans are most bitten by this bug of loneliness. Being alone causes fear, so clinging on to something, a person, a relationship causes this fear to disappear momentarily, but it cannot be eradicated…The moment that particular person or relationship disappears, the fear resurfaces. 

Osho says, ” The first thing to realise is that whether you want or not, you are ALONE. Aloneness is your very nature. You can try to forget it, you can try not to be alone by making friends, having lovers, mixing in the crowd. But whatever you do remains just on the surface. Deep inside, your aloneness is unreachable, untouchable”.

Why do we have a fear of being alone?

Why is being alone, being lonely?

Why can’t being with our selves bring joy?

Why do we need others, be it things or people, to bring that elusive smile on our faces and joy in our hearts?

Are we such bad company that we can’t enjoy our own selves??

Are we really so boring??

Tha Bhagwad Gita also mentioned “Solitude” as different from “loneliness”.

So what do we do if we do get to be alone and feel lonely?

My feather brain decided to make best friends with itself!

Isn’t it the best way?

If you are your own best friend, you don’t have to worry about the lesser emotions of jealousy, betrayal and heartbreak,

You can inspire yourself to do better and achieve the impossible, better than anyone else can,

You can search for the awesome person that you are if you delve deep inside yourself…

There are so many treasures hidden inside you that only you can unlock.

I feel that solitude isn’t a curse, it’s a boom, given to all to search for the pearls lying deep within the recesses of our heart. We just have to dive deep enough to find them.

As staying happy and positive is a choice, not a situation!!

What do you think??

Alone….or lonely??

Have you ever watched a movie alone???

Ever gone to eat at your favorite restaurant with just yourself?

Ever strolled about the markets enjoying your own company?

Ever had that hot coffee or that decadent chocolate pastry with just them for company?

Ever sat at an airport without poring into your mobile and just watched the walks, talks and different flitting expressions of fellow travellers?

Ever saw a monument, a lake, a beach or a mountain just through your own eyes, without the expressions and reactions of a companion??

There is something about spending time just with oneself.

You can either hate it or love it!

Alone can be lonely for someone and a total rejuvenation for someone else!

It all depends on how happy or comfortable you are with your own thoughts. 

The more creative and positive thoughts you have, the more enjoyable your own company would be.

I’ve come across people who just can’t spend a day without meeting or greeting other people. Their socializing borders on obsessive necessity. They feel constricted, choked and suffocated if they don’t go out of their house to meet others. 

I’ve always wondered on this obsessive need to constantly be in some other human being’s company. 

Is it to run away from one’s thoughts?

Is it to constantly remind others of our presence so that they don’t forget us?

Is it because we have a lot to showoff – knowledge, jewellery, clothes, stature and so on and we need an audience for it?

Or is it simply because we just don’t know or have doubts that we can be entertaining?

I have discovered that the most interesting, entertaining, illuminating and positive thoughts and inspiration come when we are with ourselves. That’s the only time we actually bother to peep in, as we aren’t busy peeping into the lives and thoughts of others.

Looking inwards lead me to a lot of self-discovery. I realised that so many things that I had been doing for so many years believing that those were what I loved; in reality I detested them but never had time to think otherwise, and so many things, places, tastes and styles that I never gave a second thought to; they were what interested and charmed me the most!

I discovered my inner talents, dreams and aspirations when I sat with myself and delved deep. Being constantly surrounded by people and talks never gave me a chance to turn my eyes inwards.

There is a reason perhaps that we are born alone and die alone. It’s the middle that we pepper with people, noises and voices.

They too are necessary for living in the world, but sometimes connecting with oneself is what gives the most peace.

As Mandy Hale says, “There is nothing more empowering or freeing than learning to like your own company”

The colour of blood!

The other day I got into a “colourful” argument with a very close friend, who happens to be a designer. 

Now the trouble with designers is, that they are peculiarly specific about the texture, shade and material of the cloth in question.

So it can’t be just a pink patterned cotton dress for them….

No sir, not at all!!!

You have to be specific about whether you want an embroidered, a self design, a patch-work, a tye-and-dye, ikkat, shibori or a plain material,

In pure cotton, blended cotton, linen, thick cotton, khadi or muslin,

And in baby pink, hot pink, rose pink, dark pink, candy pink, fushia, magenta or peach pink!!!!!

By the time a person gets out of this mumbo-jumbo of the cloth and shade, “plain” sweat breaks out on the “crumpled” forehead and the skin is flushed to a nice “bloody-pink”!

This actually got me thinking. If 5 or 6 types of different materials have so many types of pinks and reds, then how can millions of people populating the earth have the same shade of blood??

Does the colour and shade of blood too depend on the quality, attitude, thoughts, feelings and the overall bearing of a person?

Does the colour of innocence differ from that of cruelty?

Would a woman’s blood shade be different from a man’s?

Does the colour of blood too differentiate between the colour of the skin?

Would it be different according to the race, caste, religion, class and position in the society??

It sometimes seems so easy for someone to draw out the red sparkling liquid from a human or an animal’s cage without giving it a second thought; while a drop of the same liquid flowing from a loved one’s body gives the most immense pain. 

Is it because of the colour, texture or quality of the blood or is it just the factor or “ours” versus “theirs”?

It’s sometimes strange to ponder that the colour of the blood flowing in Mother Teresa’s veins was the same as that flowing in Adolf Hitler’s body. 

Would there have been some difference in the shade of that blood? 

Maybe it was crimson in one’s body and scarlet in the other one’s?

Red, scarlet, cherry, rose, crimson, berry, ruby, garnet, carmine, chili or raspberry….

Who says what’s in a shade?

The happiness of thousands or the misery of millions….. everything depends on the quality and colour of the liquid pumping out from that squishy organ.

As Goethe says, “Blood is a very special juice.”

The colour of the blood is still a mystery for my feather-brain!

Spiced up!!!!

Are you one of those people who propound the saying of “Sarve bhavantu sukhinah” (may all stay happy), but want it to be AFTER you have achieved your own bliss??

That the whole world should be a happy garden, but that particular brand of happiness or joy should find it’s beginnings from your own nest??

Well, my mom certainly is!

She wishes for the peace, overall happiness and calm pervading the whole world, 

She wants all people to live together harmoniously,

She wants to see smiling and glowing faces around her and would go an extra mile to make sure that this happens…

But!

This absolutely should not happen at the expense of her peace, calm and quietude!

So thus happened that she got a lovely and vibrantly green plant of chillies as a gift from a dear friend. The plant was sparkling with life and of course, was laden with bright green chillies. 

Now the gardener who tends to our plants told her that she could make saplings and distribute it to some of her friends, so that they all would be able to relish the fresh chillies from their very own small terrace garden.

The idea appealed greatly to my mom and that very day there were swaying green chili plants adorning many balconies in our society (just some poetic beautification of really small saplings!) 

Everyone was happy.

Well, everyone was, till about a month later, when our plant somehow stopped producing the vivid green chillies. My mom waited….

And then waited some more, making twice a day rounds of the balcony, prodding, poking, shaking and scrutinizing the plant for some sign of green sprouts..

But all in vain!

Not a single chili came thereafter.

Now the cruel twist in the fate was that every evening when she met her friends for their evening meet and greet, her friends used to wax poetic about the lovely colour, awesome taste and aromatic freshness of the chillies from their plant, which my mum had given them!

You can just realise how livid she might have been, that she yelled at our gardener for not doing his job properly, for over-watering the plants, and for some sort of evil eye on our happy, green plants! (and here I thought that chillies are themselves used to ward off the evil eye!!)

After four five days, her patience gave way and she uprooted the plant and threw it in the bin, saying that the light isn’t correct for the chillies to grow and so what was the point of “blocking” a pot when we can use it for some other potted plant!!

That day I realized what people meant by getting “spiced up”,

Like literally!!

Doesn’t the same thing happen to a lot of us when the whole society has electricity and only our home is in darkness?

Or when just out maid falls sick during some function when all other cooks are making heavenly food items in our “pados ka Ghar”? (neighbor’s house)

But most when the neighbor’s kid secures 90%, while out child manages to get “just” 87%?? (the horror!!!)

We seem to be comparing something or the other constantly with those around and about us. Scores, kids, lifestyle, money, salary….even something as frugal as number of pets or pots!!

As Steven Furtick puts it, “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel”

Isn’t it so true!!

What the eyes see!

There is a beautiful story…

There was a very powerful and mighty king. He had conquered most of the kingdoms and had a dream of one day becoming the most revered emperor. He was day and night dreaming of ways to realise his wish.

One night as he lay in deep slumber, he had a dream. In that he saw that he had become a housefly and he was sitting on shit, being absolutely thrilled to have so much faeces and shit around him to perch upon.

When he woke up in the morning, he was very disturbed. He was totally confused as to whether he saw the dream of turning into a fly or the fly saw a dream of turning into an emperor!

And just as suddenly, all his dreams were dissolved in that one dream…

Isn’t that king and his wish and dream a reminiscent of all that we hope, wish and strive to attain?

Aren’t we all slogging and heaving towards achieving something or the other, without realising that all this might be a big illusion, where we are perhaps witnessing what we wish to see??

Right from the time we take birth till the moment we die, our aspirations never cease or diminish. They just grow along with us.

A good nap, a good school, a good degree, a good job, a good wife, good children who repeat all that we have done…

This continues in lifetimes after lifetimes.

As so often we get a sense of deja vu; like we have seen all this and done all this before.

Yet we shrug it off like dandruff from our shoulders and continue weaving more and more dreams.

How to get to the realisation?

How to know whether this is all true or a dream?

Are we dreaming the king’s dream or the fly’s??

It is as if we are watching a movie. While doing that we become so engrossed that we actually start living the emotions, aspirations, joy and misery of the characters. We laugh with them, we shed tears when they cry, we feel like jiggling our legs and crooning with them. They become us and we become them. The thought that this is a make believe, which will get over soon, just disappears.

Dreams are there perhaps as a projection of the future we wished for. A better of everything, a more of everything, a wish to attain.

Some dream of wealth, others of Nirvana, but whatever it is, a dream cannot be a reality. It can just be the projection of a wish as playing on the mind screen.

A person who is totally in bliss, totally satisfied, totally happy with now, the present; he doesn’t dream. There’s nothing left to dream about. To have all that is desired right here, right now dissolves all dreams.

As Osho says, ” The first thing is not to project. The first thing is to be here-now. Whatsoever it is, just be here-now and a tremendous revelation is waiting for you. The revelation that nobody can be unhappy in the here-now.”